god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
