Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize