Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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