I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
