Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
