I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
