dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
