HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
