all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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