homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
