he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
4 words: hood of his car
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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