The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
