Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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