So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just want nice things and good sex
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
