Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
