where am i from again
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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