So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
