I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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