He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
even my farts smell like vagina
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
