wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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