Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
