"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
