you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
