im about as happy as oj after his trial
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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