I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize