So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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