What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
