I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
