Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
