Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
