I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
