my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize