i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
