I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
