Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
