he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
