i jhust puked up my retainher.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
