that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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