I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
