I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
