Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
