hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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