I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
