we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
