dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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