I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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