think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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