i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
