I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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