he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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