I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
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And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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