You're so nebulous sometimes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
