You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
