my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
