my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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