I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
