apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
