I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.