I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company