They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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