He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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