coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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