my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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