mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
