My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
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Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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