Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
