so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
