I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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