Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
