Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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