My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
