erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
