No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
