Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize