she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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