Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
