Define "chronic" masturbator.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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