You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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