no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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