so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
