I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
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Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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