I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
