What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
