look no pants
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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